The Friend Zone

Posted by: @iLoveShawn5000

Alright, Alight, Alright, Alrighttttttt! In today's blog, I'm going to address a very controversial topic... This issue right here covers everyone from grown ass adults to middle schoolers. 

Welcome to The Friend Zone

Before we get into the issue at hand, some of you may want a further explanation to what the Friend Zone really is...

Friend Zone (n.)- A myth based on a lie straight women tell their ugly, straight male friends as a less hurtful way of rejecting their sexual advances. It is said that if a man doesn't immediately make his romantic intentions known that the woman will forever consider him a friend. They will be subject to late night phone calls about how good of a friend they are and constant heartbreak. He is then said to be in the "friend zone."

Now, I hate to burst your bubbles, but 9 times out of 10 when a dude meet's you he's not thinking about finding him a best friend or somebody he can talk about all his issues and all that soft sh*t. Not in this world that we live in. Not now. Not ever. 

Say two guys are together at the mall, chillin' in the food court some real regular shit and a sexy lil mami walks by. NEVER EVER EVER EVER in the history of any male have the words, "Wow man, She's really pretty. She looks like she has a wonderful personality. I wonder what her favorite novel is. I would LOVE if she'd be my new bestfriend." That's just not how things work. It's more like this "Oh Nahhh! You see shorty over there with the fat ass?? Son I'll f**k the sh*t outta her my bruh! Matter fact! AYO MA, PULL UP REAL FAST !" 

We all know that Niggas ain't shit. This has been established a long time ago. But most guy's usually have the same mind state regarding females. It's just some guys are straight forward with their intentions while some guys will fall into the never ending black hole that is the Friend Zone.

Once you in the Friend Zone you there for life my nigga. That sh*t happened to me once worst experience of my life. I was just stuck in a horrible situation. Shawty was telling me about how her boyfriend ain't shit and she used to send me pictures from Forever 21 dressing room asking me which outfit i liked better. I was just there helpless because ! was an afterthought. Never again son.

But if we're going to avoid being in the Friend Zone you have to know when you're in it. Here are some helpful tips to know when your going down a One Way road to the Friend Zone.

1. You have to make a move. Don't be p*ssy. Being p*ssy won't get you any p*ssy.
2. Rejection is just a part of the game. Every real nigga has gotten rejected before. But the realest of the real just understand that it's a part of the game and move on to the next b**ch while other suckers will get sad over a bitch and go home and just listen to Take Care all night.
3. Keep her number saved just in case. Once sh*t gets rocky between shawty and her mans make sure your one of the first people to hit her with that "You know I would of never treated you like that, right?" text. Timing is key. Rebound p*ssy is almost guaranteed if you play it right my friends.

The Friend Zone is really the worse than Hell. I'd honestly rather play have a relationship like Norbit than be stuck in the Friend Zone man, and that's real. The worse part it is that not only are you just a friend to her, you are now Public Frenemy Number One to all her bad friends! You cant even get a crack at them, they're all just off limits now cause they see you as the b**ch boy that got trapped holding shopping bags and getting no ass. Here is a little short story that I made called the Boy Who Cried Friend.

Ashley: "Mike is such a sweet guy, but he's kind of ugly and his breathe stinks. So when he asked me out i just told him that I didn't want to risk our friendship."

Jamie: "Ohh I totally understand girl. So he's just a friend. Haha he probably really thought he had a chance LOL!"

Now poor Mike is relegated to the Friend Zone for LIFE and if you noticed, Ashley never gave him a direct "No". So Mike probably still thought there was a chance that they could be more then friends.... Until a couple weeks later when he logs onto Facebook and see's her Relationship Status just changed from "Single" to "In a Relationship" (The Blow). Trapped in denial and confusion, Mike just says to himself, "No way man, Ashley liked me! She was supposed to be my girl!" Then he goes and checks her Instagram and see's all those cuffy kissy pictures that makes everyone sick. Even the infamous ~~**8-6-12**~~ on the pic.

Just remember this golden tip: The worst that she could say is No. If she does say no, you gonna be sad for a little, but that's just life, niggas be sad all the time. You'll get over her bro. Look on the bright side, she probally was a hoe anyway. Don't be like Mike. Don't end up in the dreaded bottomless pit known ass the Friend Zone.

 

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